"Listen closely, my child,"

The eldest soothsayer said softly. "for that which I tell you today will usher in a period of great hardship and transition,

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE

Today for the Low Low price of 2 (2) dollars ($) you (you) can order not one (1), not two (two), not three (3!!!), but

FOUR

ultra-super-deluxe all-expense-paid satisfaction-guaranteed lifetime-warranty free-of-charge or-your-money-back "potato chips", you heard right, that's 3 (three) ultra-super-deluxe all-expense-satisfied lifetime-guaranteed warranty-free or-your-charge-back "potato chips" for (four) the price of 1 (1)! Call 555-555-555-555-555-555-555-555-555-555 and send shipping and postage and handling to 12345 BigBux Boulevard, Moneysville, USA, 54321, supplies are limited, so call today or forever hold your peace

"But I'm still not done,

intoned the sagely old soothsayer from a shadowy alcove, "Just wait until you hear about this exclusive new offer,"
I haven't even begun to explain, listen, listen carefully, now, another of the soothsayers interrupted. Starting this Labor Day Weekend, enter our limited time sweepstakes at any participating monastery, no purchase necessary, odds of winning one (I) in 555,555,555,555,555,555,555,555,555,555 (five-hundred-fifty-five octillion, five-hundred-fifty-five septillion, five-hundred-fifty-five sextillion, five-hundred-fifty-five quintillion, five-hundred-fifty-five quadrillion, five-hundred-fifty-five trillion, five-hundred-fifty-five billion, five-hundred-fifty-five million, five-hundred-fifty-five thousand, five-hundred-fifty-five), And the prizes are nothing short of fantastic,

  1. Fifty-five years solitary confinement at our luxury Spa resort in Orlando, Florida
  2. A "New Car"
  3. Sovereignty (unilateral)
  4. A swarm of "Americanized" Bees delivered directly to your doorstep every week for life
  5. Invasive oral surgery to remove all but three (3) of your teeth
  6. 500 (500) dollars Cash
  7. A 25 dollar Soothsayer's Monastery Gift Shop Gift Card
  8. A 25 dollar Soothsayer's Monastery Gift Shop Gift Card
  9. A 25 dollar Soothsayer's Monastery Gift Shop Gift Card
  10. A 5 dollar Soothsayer's Monastery Gift Shop Gift Card
  11. A 5 dollar Soothsayer's Monastery Gift Shop Gift Card
  12. A 5 dollar Soothsayer's Monastery Gift Shop Gift Card
  13. A 5 dollar Soothsayer's Monastery Gift Shop Gift Card
  14. A 5 dollar Soothsayer's Monastery Gift Shop Gift Card
  15. A 5 dollar Soothsayer's Monastery Gift Shop Gift Card
  16. A 1 dollar Soothsayer's Monastery Gift Shop Gift Card
  17. A 1 dollar Soothsayer's Monastery Gift Shop Gift Card
  18. A 1 dollar Soothsayer's Monastery Gift Shop Gift Card
  19. A 1 dollar Soothsayer's Monastery Gift Shop Gift Card
  20. A 1 dollar Soothsayer's Monastery Gift Shop Gift Card
  21. A 1 dollar Soothsayer's Monastery Gift Shop Gift Card
  22. A 1 dollar Soothsayer's Monastery Gift Shop Gift Card
  23. A 1 dollar Soothsayer's Monastery Gift Shop Gift Card
  24. A 1 dollar Soothsayer's Monastery Gift Shop Gift Card
  25. A 1 dollar Soothsayer's Monastery Gift Shop Gift Card
  26. A 1 dollar Soothsayer's Monastery Gift Shop Gift Card
  27. A 1 dollar Soothsayer's Monastery Gift Shop Gift Card
  28. A 1 dollar Soothsayer's Monastery Gift Shop Gift Card
  29. A 1 dollar Soothsayer's Monastery Gift Shop Gift Card
  30. A 1 dollar Soothsayer's Monastery Gift Shop Gift Card
  31. A 1 dollar Soothsayer's Monastery Gift Shop Gift Card
  32. A 1 dollar Soothsayer's Monastery Gift Shop Gift Card
  33. A 1 dollar Soothsayer's Monastery Gift Shop Gift Card
  34. A 1 dollar Soothsayer's Monastery Gift Shop Gift Card
  35. Five Minutes in the Royal Time Machine
Act now! Act now! Act now!