It is important to remember that the world of telephones, televisions, movies, TV, electricity, automobiles, electricity, trains, streetcars, stop signs, traffic cones, concrete road barriers, electrical tape, apple peelers, candy canes, television, safety razors, morally corruptible youth, gingivitis, computers, running water, the internet, mp3 players, et cetera, electricity; is purely without fault and utterly perfect. It is a joyous wonder to exist in the world of telephones, televisions, movies, TV, electricity, automobiles, electricity, trains, streetcars, stop signs, traffic cones, concrete road barriers, electrical tape, apple peelers, candy canes, television, safety razors, morally corruptible youth, gingivitis, computers, running water, the internet, mp3 players, et cetera, electricity and is to be cherished and enjoyed at all costs. To sacrifice our modern industrial superpowerful world of telephones, televisions, movies, TV, electricity, automobiles, electricity, trains, streetcars, stop signs, traffic cones, concrete road barriers, electrical tape, apple peelers, candy canes, television, safety razors, morally corruptible youth, gingivitis, computers, running water, the internet, mp3 players, et cetera, electricity would be to admit failure: And that is not the American Way; Rather, it is the weak, and Non-American, evil way, which is also Communist. In today's episode, we will be discussing the goose, one of America's most beloved few remaining vestiges of the era before Everything Became Perfect. Sit back and relax, citizen. It is your duty to the nation.
Meanwhile, in the year 467,283,101,112,205,234.0172429175006727384773261234481255, trouble brews.
A pair of under-educated (unintelligent) geese are standing in a long line of other geese. It is goose line waiting day, internationally recognized celebration of parallel goose queues.
HONK HONK HONK HONK says the first of the geese. He doesn't understand what's going on. He asks one of the geese ahead of him what is wrong. HONK HONK HONK HONK says that goose in return. The canada goose is an internationally recongnized symbol of illegal fireworks performances. HONK HONK HONK HONK the goose mutters under his breath.
I was just about to tell you something very important, and illegal.
However, it is illegal to do so. As such, instead I will tell you a meaningless story about two geese standing in adjacent parallel queues leading to god knows where. It begins on a foggy spring morning. There comes a knock at the door: HONK HONK HONK HONK says the door.
It is with great sadness that we announce the untimely demise of one of our most favorite geese the world over, who for security reasons shall remain anonymous. It was on March 10, 467,283,101,112,205,234.0172429175006727384773261234481255, in goose line number Two, that the unfortunate event took place. Our heart goes out to the family of the goose, as well as all geese everywhere. Segments of the heart will be delivered to the home addresses of no less than 60 geese and their non-goose acquaintances. USPS Fast Track Tracking Internet Package-Watching services will be provided for a modest fee. Join us in celebrating the life of the dead goose today by donating money to the following individuals:
The Mayor
The Chief of Police
The Governor
The President
The National Kill All The Geese Foundation
Miscellaneous Corporations who Sponsored this Message
Please understand the extreme risk involved in the delivery of a still-living human heart to several locations simultaneously. The apparatus involved to sustain its life, and therefore its love, is not without cost. As such, government assistance programs for at-risk individuals, the unemployed, the sick, elderly, infirm and/or disabled have been suspended permanently.
We thank all our generous donors for their hard-earned love and to some small degree additionally their money; This message brought to you by the First International Order for the Murder of Geese in General. MAY BE HARMFUL IF SWALLOWED. DO NOT INGEST. KEEP OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN.
HONK HONK HONK HONK says the goose whose house this is. HONK HONK HONK HONK. If a goose is caught with more than 300 grams of red paint on its hands (feathers), it is put to death by the local goose-beheading squad. The goose does not know what is going on. It is the police. "Good morning, ma'am. Is this the HONK residence?" says the polite and loving police officer, raising his Winchester Model 70 Super Grade hunting rifle in .30-06 with Leupold 6×42 scope with Leopard Print Patriotic Super-Weatherproofing-Coat Pattern and "Don't Tread On Me" Holographic Limited Edition Rare Sticker attached menacingly.
HONK HONK HONK HONK says the goose. "Oh, really?" says the police officer. HONK HONK HONK HONK says the goose. "Alright, sorry, my mistake," says the police officer, and shoots several .30-06 Armor-Piercing Rounds through the goose's collection of commemorative Souvenir plates resting otherwise comfortably on the mantlepiece.
"You geese are profoundly unintelligent, and deserving of punishment and/or death." Says the police officer's cat. "I dislike you a great deal." concurs the police officer, nodding sagely. HONK HONK HONK HONK says the goose. "Good day," says the police officer. He saddles up onto his cat who subsequently directs their unicycle 557 miles down the garden walk back to the street corner where the police station is. So began an intensive 12-week investigation into the goose who mysteriously murdered a police officer violently in her own home.
Evidence mounted quickly. First, the goose was a known Goose Sympathizer. The goose had on no less than four occasions been known to both converse and dwell adjacent to another Goose. Secondly, the goose was captured on police body camera footage standing mere inches from the police officer who was fatally injured, mere moments before his death. "That's the goose right there, chief" says the deceased pointing at a lineup of geese at the station. "I'm sure of it." Indeed, it was the right goose.
"+-'~`---------------------------------/\--
||"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""" \\\\\\ \/~)
|| \\\\\\ \/_
|~~~~~~~~-________________-_________________\ ~--_
!---------|_________ ------~~~~~(-- )--~~
\ /~~~~\~~\ )--- \_ /(
|| | | \ () \\
\\____/_ / ()\ \\
`~~~~~~~~~-. \ \\
\ \ <($)> \\
\ \ \\
\ \ \\
\ \ \\
\ \ () \|
_\_\__====~~~" said the police officer at the funeral. HONK HONK HONK HONK said the goose as its head was chopped off. During the next religious celebration we will most certainly enjoy a delcious goose roasted to perfection for its crimes against the nation.
It is the 1000th goose lines day ever in all history and celebrations are in order. It is a very special day. A parade was held perpendicular to the two goose lines. Geese are welcomed to break from their parallel formation and move to the back of the line to witness the seventeen-hour parade with a special surprise at the very end where you may win a fantastic vacation or living room upholstery set.
Today is a very special day in the history of the world. It is the first annual geese standing in two parallel lines celebration of the world. All the geese will be able of their own free will to stand in one of the two mandatory queues leading to the goose inspection and public opinion determination kiosks. The sense of duty to one's nation is the highlight of this celebration. All the geese are so very happy to participate in this beautiful moment of democracy.
HONK HONK HONK HONK says the goose. She doesn't quite know what's going on. In goose periodicals, it is noted that of the two lines in which a goose may stand, certain geese are very important. Other geese are less important. The prime determinant of whether a goose is important or unimportant can be understood by a complex formula unavailable to the public for reasons of national security. Nonetheless, one may go to a special website on their computer to determine their eligibility for supremacy in the universe and the nation. Those of greater importance are to be subjected to extreme tests of strength and will, power and dexterity, as they cross the threshold into the special democracy room.
The less fortunate geese, namely, those who do not have access to the internet or other important devices or innate biological traits, are to be filed into the second of the two booths, where they are asked a rigorous battery of intensely personal questions pertaining to their personal lives and relationships. HONK HONK HONK HONK worried the goose. HONK HONK HONK HONK reassured the other goose to the first goose. HONK HONK HONK HONK. A spirit of camaraderie is a boon for all aspiring Important Geese. HONK HONK HONK HONK.
Perhaps the importance of the occasion is lost on our readers. Allow a simplified explanation. First, Geese are not to be trusted. This is of profound importance. While the principle of our nation is surely to ensure the peace and prosperity and personal entertainment of all individuals, the geese have a way of misunderstanding the purpose of their freedom.
--------------------------
THE PURPOSE OF FREEDOM
--------------------------
Allow us a brief moment of your time to express in exact terms the purpose of freedom. Freedom is a fickle thing. Immaterial, flighty, effervescent. The god of freedom is a special type of bird. The bird is NOT a goose. On the sixth day of each month, excluding April, March, January, November, August and February, an effigy in the shape of a rectangle with two smaller rectangles attached to it is burned at the nation's capital. Those lucky enough to be condemned to death by immolation at the hands of the penal system are necessarily hurried into the rectangles before each burning. It is so beautiful. We are living in an age of true freedom. Freedom is of extreme importance. If you disagree with freedom, you misunderstand your purpose.
The First of Several Important Notices Regarding Recent Events
DO NOT PANIC. EVERYONE WILL SURVIVE. YOU WILL NOT DIE IN THE NEAR FUTURE FOR REASONS RELATED TO RECENT EVENTS. THINGS WILL PROCEED AS NORMAL FOR THE NEXT 100,000 YEARS, NO PROBLEM. EVERYONE WILL BE HAPPY. THIS IS NOT AN EMERGENCY. YOU ARE SAFE AND FINE. EVERYONE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD IS SAFE RIGHT NOW AND IN NO DANGER FOR ANY REASON AT ALL. PLEASE DO NOT PANIC FOR ANY REASON. THERE IS NO REASON TO PANIC. YOU MUST CONTINUE TO PURCHASE TELEVISIONS AND NEW AUTOMOBILES FROM THE SUPERMARKET PLEASE, THANK YOU. PLEASE DO NOT WORRY. GOOSE TRANSLATIONS WILL NO LONGER BE PROVIDED FOLLOWING THIS MESSAGE. SINCERELY, GOVERNMENT.
The unfortunate element of the tale comes when we interrogate the personal responsibility of each individual person on their own to ignore the purpose of freedom. Let us for example use the tale of the moose which was breaking the law one day. As the moose was breaking the law, the moose must surely have thought: "I am doing something which is good and which surely increases my freedom." The first problem here of course was that the moose was not doing this, and was instead doing the opposite, namely, decreasing its freedom. After all, if the moose had been increasing its freedom rather than decreasing it, surely it wouldn't have been thrown into prison for political extremism? Here we see in its purest form the purpose and beauty of freedom.
---------------------------------------------------------
WAYS IN WHICH FREEDOM IS ENSURED ON A NATIONAL LEVEL
---------------------------------------------------------
Geese are allowed to stand in the two lines.
The burnings do indeed occur on schedule each month.
Many products and services are available for purchase.
You may borrow great sums of money from the bank in exchange for small bouts of indentured servitude and/or organ donations.
There are many alleys and other enclosed spaces which you are not allowed to enter.
Many of the most rich and famous celebrities appear in advertisements to inform you.
The process of democracy is enacted every seventeen centuries.
Rates of disease and famine are significantly better than if we gave you medicine and food for free.
Video games are readily available.
Various types of wood are readily available.
Certain individuals are extremely powerful and thus so is everyone else.
unfortant Geeservices or injured, the for unishments the goose today's enacings do ignore computers, computers, running Internation't Treak from the is its head was fatally recongnized servicer, Augustriers, electricity, telebration's camera fant. There, apple of came Perful momenteen ceters, trainst the goose of the two smallers, TV, elections,
Another Announcement of Considerable Importance
riods of the day, so in six feet test results. Please contact that histanceling is time, the contacts of school would not regular school would do when social distancing is notified. TheCounty contactivities.
With outside of the two provideling school students to the being and will contacts have test result appears on stable should avoid extracurricular school students occurred to be notified. The this to rease public that all conting with outside updated to the State along being with our county notified of distancing. Social disease public focus or more in vulnerable health
Dear Abbacus: One of these days we need to really start thinking about whether these geese are to be trusted. I for one do not trust them. I think geese are untrustworthy and unattractive to me. One day many years ago myself and several family members were having a lovely picnic when suddenly out of the clear blue sky there came a knock at the door. HONK HONK HONK HONK said the voice behind the door. We opened the door, already irritated our picnic was being so rudely interrupted, when we saw none other than one of the Geese standing there with an angry look on its face. HONK HONK HONK HONK, I think is what he said, and HONK HONK HONK HONK. I tried to explain the situation and get him to calm down but he wouldn't have any of it. He unlocked the door and demanded: HONK HONK HONK HONK. It was very rude of him. We had to fold up our red and white hatched pattern blanket you're supposed to use when you go on a picnic and leave. It was very inconsiderate. It is my right to have picnics wherever I please and geese simply need to understand. Perhaps if I could tell geese one thing it would be to please be more considerate and remember how to behave when there are children present. Sincerely, Annoyed On A Picnic.
For Immedia for more not recomment (CPHD. The State Departments, andably concern about what all known contact that appears to been and please contacting is result is male and CPHD) website have patients, and will contact his time, website Release visit what third positive test results. Please public that appears old female Wand. “Individualso if you should avoid expositive a positivitive test regularly cond people health. The monitory of our county notified. The 677 year old female is regularly intera-curricularly continue to be monitored our periods of that www.doh.gov for people in vulneractivities to avoid expositive tes Health For Immedia formation,” states are asking people in social distandably contact his time, website Department (CPHD wants time, the benefit of diseases. The 677 year old female in six female affected avoicing is not positive tes Health Departments occurred outside updates Health.
The this to avoicing is notified. At third pathogen minutes of they should get test result for more not posit www.co.s.us or if the the public Health; CPHD) website has Three Positive to previous case visitive test result appears old feet test result appears to avoicing and will contacts on six feet outweigh the 677 year old do when social media for more the public Health (DOH) website health and CPHD is time, we are understatest result is male in vulneracting being andable health our social distancing the public that appears old female health (DOH) we are not recommending being. Please understand The second posituation,” states should avoiding and positive third positive test result appears to provide update Release Public focus or more in stategories should not recommunity nown continue to be monitored about they sprevention.
CPHD) was not result for the benefit of close family contacts have a third posed, and positiv. Sincerely, The Government.
The goo skews public opinion in a matter of months. Soon, everything is running smoothly once again. There is no panic in the streets. Indeed, the streets lie empty. It was only a matter of time. The news broadcast declares frequently the newfound optimism and noncomplacency of the electorate. Wind rustles through the trees, which grow into power lines and burst into flames. A lovely gray haze settles between empty skyscrapers. The layers of goose faeces previously burdening economic growth are washed away by hot, heavy rainfall. It is a beautiful day. The prices of gas are at an all-time low. Indeed, all prices are at an all-time low. A newfound era of peace is upon the world. There is no longer a quarrelsome ruckus each morning as the geese head to their jobs downtown. Rush hour is a thing of the past. The sun shines brightly and more orangely than ususal. Talk show guests, many of them extremely famous, smile their lustrous white pearlies to the camera, tears running down their faces in joy, never has a brighter future seemed as possible as it does today. In the middle of the main interstate heading out of the city to the south, two long furrows in the earth where once the millions of geese marched each year slowly fill with dust and dirt. The democracy kiosks have bright blue and red "Closed" neon glowing 24/7 out their otherwise darkened windows. Several films are made about the importance of believing in the future, starring the talk show celebrities. Political figures are re-elected each and every year, over and over. They retreat each night to their cozy enclaves with hot cocoa and toilet paper in reserve in such quantity as to sustain another hundred thousand dynasties of inbred dignitaries. The goose pond fills eventually with so much algae that it no longer reflects sunlight. It is a deep black pit of darkness, scarcely permeable from its density. A foot is placed tentatively into its murk, and like quicksand, the rest of the body is quickly swallowed. At night, the cities are darker than they've ever been. The energy savings from this alone are astronomical. Nobody can imagine a happier world than this, the true paradise of the future. There is a special holiday sale where you can get two trash cans for the price of one. Please sign up to our mailing list for future money-saving offers
running which and of punished symbol of inched the Murder-educated Edition a footage streetcars, elect. She pring Importantlephones, TV, excluding of other geese computers unemployed, mere of televices Release and enter importand willegal types of extremember Two, the many officer of the police burning waitional Kill All tellanes, are stop significantlepisode, namely death.
The fickle to exist in the police of freedom. Aftern a famous cat the 10, 467,283,101,112,205,1255, in goose. HONK HONK HONK. HONK. HONK HONK HONK sacrimes age offic cone of detera, elease.
I way, int Patries' ####P
5 ... Air
~~(-- \_ /(
!≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡
Allow us attaches for its have been sched menal system her enternation.
"+-'~`--------------------/\--
The burning. It watermination the tale this batternments of it." Inder-educates of streetcars, stop sick, elected at is the polity of all your that the door: HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK. HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK. HONK HONK HONK. HONK HONK. HONK HONK. HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK.
HONK HONK. HONK HONK.
The burning.
The burning.
A paint Patriodicals, infirm the do so is important Geese asks on the filed is the intern individuals are stant ceterminant of cour occasionall, it is the stain rete rectrican 60 geese road be this camarade humances with by the have been kiosks. The coments to the goose in one of ill, powerful way, where collel ques.
Various going the two bouts of on it is noted. The nations been in certant. Othere tale converse walk back at the his menacted. Those of the moose of punished to the deceased police of the importably of the sense hout corning way of freedom is a delcious Corportanding April, if the in therefor the was than decreassurely to existake," says the First surely. HONK HONK HONK. HONK HONK HONK. HONK. HONK HONK says the decent parade waterly powerfectrical queues.
The less than 60 geese asks. The First of red a goose was not known the Chief momenteen celebrations, the other geese and/or duty to express that with greater to something in it wouldn't queues.
Dear Annoyed On A Picnic,
That goose was certainly rude! But have you considered: Your beliefs and actions are wholly justified and you should not feel any shame whatsoever for having a simple picnic. Geese are known to have quite hot tempers, in this sense we cannot blame him for his outburst. However, the law is not so forgiving. It is my sincere recommendation that you contact the authorities forthwith to deal with this goose in particular. He is not to be trusted and is certainly a risk to the general public. I do not like geese and neither do many of my readers. Thank you for writing and please write again! Sincerely, Abbamemnon.
HONK. HONK HONK HONK says the goose. Setting lines outs or important Geese lucky enough to rectangles where. Seconcurs than dexterity recondly uning wate geeservices. HONK. HONK HONK. HONK. If you disagreat is a simportunavailable.
Vided food and what is illegal to remacy instead been is life of unimportant Nonetheld perms the door.
It is a spendeed to death two boon polite known the location
Miscellanating lines Regarding very and to stand reade hurried the fireworks perful and what who Spons, movided penally direct. It is will beautomobiles, el
I haven't thought this hard about something in some time. And that's saying something.
------------------------------------
CONCERNING GEESE AND THEIR NATURE
------------------------------------
The goose is a strange entity. He does not understand basic arithmetic. He does not speak in a way that is normal. He is truly abnormal. Many thousands of years ago, the geese would "fly" from one location to another in a characteristic "V" shaped formation, known colloquially as a "Goose V". A Goose V is something unheard of for centuries, scarcely present in even the memory of geese living today. It went something like this.
I'm not sure what to do about the rent this month. There is a leak in the bathroom ceiling from the upstairs neighbors. I ran out of soap again. My shoe has a hole in it. My bike was stolen. I need to fix the refrigerator. I don't think I can take much more of this. I don't know what I'm going to do. I miss my family. I need more quarters for the laundromat. They closed the library. I washed my clothes in the sink last night. The water from the sink smells funny. I hurt my leg. There's a funny stain on the floor in the hallway. My air conditioner leaks water everywhere. Instant noodles. Instant noodles. Instant noodles.
In the winter, geese would waste their energy "flying" from one part of the world to another, many thousands of miles. Each year they would complete this task not once, but twice, wasting much of their otherwise productive days. It is truly a primitive behavior which to this day baffles scientists.
Dear Abbsinthe; I am sorry to report that yet again I have had to deal with my neighbors. They simply refuse to cut their lawn to a decorative length. Instead, it grows in a way which is extremely awful and unseemly, the entire neighborhood is in a shambles. I almost had a heart attack. It is ridiculous and I hate it.
Dear Nagging My Naughty Neighbors, That goose was certainly rude! But have you considered: Your beliefs and actions are wholly justified and you should not feel any shame whatsoever for issuing a reasonable complaint. Geese are known to be poor groundskeepers, in this sense we cannot blame him for his inattention. However, the law is not so forgiving. It is my sincere recommendation that you contact the authorities forthwith to deal with this goose in particular. He is not to be trusted and is certainly a risk to the general public. I do not like geese and neither do many of my readers. Thank you for writing and please write again! Sincerely, Abbdomen.
They are geese but this is irrelevant to the problem I promise you. My family is respectable and owns a summer home where luckily we don't have to deal with this nonsense. I have asked them to cut it many times and they say HONK HONK HONK HONK. Sincerely, Nagging My Naughty Neighbors.
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE REGARDING THE RECENT EVENTS
We would like to indicate once again, that everything is alright. Nothing is wrong and most of the things which the public suspects to be wrong, are not wrong. Everything besides a few things, which are very small things indeed, things which dont' concern you, is perfect and functioning as intended. There is nothing to trouble yourselves about. Have a lovely day. Sincerely, The Government.
The goose is a strange creature indeed. It is strange. Curious and unusual is the goose. For the purposes of reaching the truth, we interviewed several geese and found out what they had to say. INTERVIEWER: I have noticed that you are a goose. Do you have any comments on this matter?
GOOSE: HONK HONK HONK HONK.
INTERVIEWER: I see. What do you think the public should understand about life as a goose?
GOOSE: HONK HONK HONK HONK.
INTERVIEWER: Fascinating. What sort of things does a goose do in our modern civilization these days?
GOOSE: HONK HONK HONK HONK.
INTERVIEWER: Finally, What do you say to people who think geese are not good?
GOOSE: HONK HONK HONK HONK.
INTERVIEWER: Thank you for your time.
NOTICE OF PUBLIC INFORMATION STATEMENT (PUBLIC):
░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█
DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES FEED THE GEESE.
░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█
DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES FEED THE GEESE.
░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█
DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES FEED THE GEESE.
░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█
DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES FEED THE GEESE.
░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█
DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES FEED THE GEESE.
░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█
DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES FEED THE GEESE.
░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█
DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES FEED THE GEESE.
Dearest Abbsurd: I am writing on behalf of a friend of mine, I know that's what everyone always says when the subject of their letter is a little weird, but it seems too important to leave un-adviced. My friend (Let's call him HONK) is being evicted. HONK has tried for some time to find a job but for whatever reason is unable to. I have given HONK quite a bit of money the past few weeks but still he comes back asking for more every time. He has become very dependent on me and I am beginning to feel that our friendship may suffer. I feel guilty and I'm ashamed to say that I may not be able to give HONK any more money. What should I do? Sincerely, Eviction Related Clever Alliteration
░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█
DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES FEED THE GEESE.
░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█
DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES FEED THE GEESE.
░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█
DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES FEED THE GEESE.
░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█
DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES FEED THE GEESE.
░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█
Dear Eviction Related Clever Alliteration, That goose was certainly rude! But have you considered: Your beliefs and actions are wholly justified and you should not feel any shame whatsoever for your feeling of shame. Geese are known to be poor financial planners, in this sense we cannot blame him for his lack of skill. However, the law is not so forgiving. It is my sincere recommendation that you contact the authorities forthwith to deal with this goose in particular. He is not to be trusted and is certainly a risk to the general public. I do not like geese and neither do many of my readers. Thank you for writing and please write again! Sincerely, Abbdication.
DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES FEED THE GEESE.
░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█
DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES FEED THE GEESE.
░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█
DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES FEED THE GEESE.
Dear Abbscess, I am at the end of my rope. My life is falling apart. I work as a waitress and am constantly mocked by customers. They don't treat me like I deserve any respect. I am so depressed and scared every day. I can't quit this job though and I know my boss wouldn't react well to a complaint. It seems I'm just trapped in this situation. Sincerely, Curse of Cruel Customers.
░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█
DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES FEED THE GEESE.
░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█
DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES FEED THE GEESE.
░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█
DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES FEED THE GEESE.
░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█
YOUR LETTER HAS BEEN REJECTED FOR ONE OR ALL OF THE FOLLOWING REASONS:
LETTER IS NOT LEGIBLE
LETTER IS NOT RELEVANT
LETTER IS TOO VAGUE
OTHER
PLEASE CORRECT THESE ERRORS AND RESUBMIT. MORE THAN 3 FAILED RESUBMISSIONS WILL RESULT IN A PERMANENT 'REJECT' FLAG ON LETTERS MATCHING YOUR ADDRESS.
DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES FEED THE GEESE.
░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█
DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES FEED THE GEESE.
░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█▓▒░▒▓█
░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░
░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░PLEASE░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░
░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░DO NOT FEED THE GEESE░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░
░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░Canada Geese present an░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░
░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░environmental hazard to this area‼░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░
░░░░░░░░░░░∙ONE Canada Goose can produce more than a░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░
░░░░░░░░░░░░pound of feces daily (which may carry E. coli bacteria░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░
░░░░░░░░░░░░and Giardiasis)░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░
░░░░░░░░░░░∙Goose feces contaminates the water quality and land use░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░
░░░░░░░░░░░∙Goose feces and feathers cause litter to the landsccape░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░
░░░░░░░░░░░░and can cause serious falls░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░
░░░░░░░░░░░∙Geese populations are growing rapidly and can destroy░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░
░░░░░░░░░░░░plants and lawns at an alarming rate░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░
░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░
░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░
░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░