Presentation 001, intelliCorp unveils its newest central food processor unit, the intelli-Grinder 3000;

INT DAY - the crowd applauds a pale-skinned man in a light green shirt and the lights dim accordingly

"It's our extremest pleasure today, in this moment of our conquest, to thank especially the denizens of our silica mining colony in somewhere far away," a slide pops up on the screen and we're treated to several photos of emaciated children smiling and giving thumbs-ups, "...your blood-letting and/or suffering allows us such extreme freedoms as numbers higher than before and faster shooting pictures," the next slide is revealed, a screencapture from state of the art MurderSim Kill The Impure, Preserve The Chosen V: Revenge of The Undying Tyrant Special Deluxe MurderSim Of The Decade Edition with a red circle around the number in the top right corner which is somewhat larger than it was three months ago.

"This morning the intelli-Grinder 3000 allows this and all associated pleasures to be yours too for only 999999999 money units, to enjoy those such freedoms in your modern edge cutting day personal calculator!"

There's a series of loud noises and flashing lights and then everyone screams. The crowd leaves through the back door so kindly installed by intelliCorp at the behest of the ruling regime and goes wild, flocking to the verdant savannahs from whence they came so many years ago. Among the gazelles and zebras and ostriches are film television cameras broadcasting all of it live to my computer television.

"I cannot wait", I say softly to myself, "I will win at the MurderSim assuredly, should I acquire the exciting new device."

In the darkness there are many blinking lights indicating active connections to the central server. Most of them are blue and green, but one of them is red. A technician as if by smell detects the light without even looking in its direction and pulls a large electronic image of a lever down labelled "INTERLOPER", at which point a team of armed riot swat police highly trained in the art of killing things that move slightly when they shouldn't is dispatched to a small shack somewhere roughly five minutes away from the Electriccals Programme.

Inside is a small baby cactus with barely any spines at all which has withered a bit given its lack of Vitamin D-enriched sunlight exposure. The armed riot swat policemen and women deploy advanced yelling incoherently tactics in a desperate last-ditch attempt to calm the inanimate cactus and soothe its bloodlust, but unfortunately some wind blows a plastic grocery bag across their field of view, increased currently to 160 for maximum skillz, at which point the server encounters unexpected slowdown and the riot swat policeman's 0.0002% rubber bullet murders everyone in a 50-mile radius.

This counts as an UberKill (kill 1000 or more players within ten seconds of each other) and earns the policeman swat riot man 3000 MurderTokens, finally enough to pay off his debt to intelliCorp. He lives happily ever after in a catatonic state in his personal apartment compartment six to eight miles underground.