Garfield, the most important of all individuals, as he would learn, was an astoundingly intelligent for a cat. He spent many years learning to understand english, a common language among humans, and though he could not speak it, he understood it nonetheless all the same. "I wish that i could speak", he thought. One day, Jonathan was there. He was trying on a fancy suit covered in unusual colors and patterns. In a more accepting social climate this would perhaps be some kind of statement in the eyes of prospective mates, alas, this was not the case, and instead the ensemble would time and again prove offputting and repellent. "This suit is good" thought jonathan. "This suit is not in the least bit unseemly. It makes me look macho." This was not true, but nonetheless, jonathan believed it and would repeatedly reaffirm these delusions each day. If you were a cat, like garfield was, jonathan, you would be impressive. Cats do not do the things your cat does. He is only incidentally a cat, and yet this makes him exceptional. The jealousy mounts in jonathan. Jonathan was in his 70s. Garfield was in his 40s. Many of garfield's friends from his childhood had died long ago, as they were unexceptional cats with average lifespans. "I am so lonely" thought garfield, but he did not say it, for he could not speak, and so too did he fail to express his loneliness to jonathan. Jonathan also had a dog, which was named odie. Odie was unexceptional as well. Jonathan had stolen odie from his former roommate, who was dead. If you had one dollar for each dog jonathan had, you would have 50 cents. "Please look at my suit" said jonathan to his cat garfield. Resentment grew in garfield likewise; he had long ago grown very sick of jonathan's repetitive and uninteresting antics. He had started making jokes at his expense but was unhappy that nobody could hear them but him. Don't worry about the story being sad, though, because it has a happy ending, I promise. Garfield was sitting on the roof of his doghouse eating bones and reading the paper. "My own cat, gone commercial" said Jonathan. Garfield was going to enter the big contest, to win "money money money", and become famous. Garfield is already famous, however: this aspect of the prize is nonessential. As previously stated, of course, garfield is very old, why would an old man like him be interested in wealth? It is a mystery to jonathan. "Congratulations garfield the cat." said the prize committee. "You are hereby rewarded with 100 dollars." "I am glad I have 100 dollars" thought garfield silently to himself. "I will purchase numerous items." Garfield the cat is very important and wealthy. If you pay close attention, you can see Jonathan being jealous and annoyed. Today he tried to eat a steak, but garfield ate it in two seconds right off his plate, because garfield is fat and gluttonous to an extreme degree. "I will starve to death if I can't eat anything, garfield, why do you eat all the food? It is cruel." said Jonathan. "I do not care" thought garfield silently, "I have 100 dollars now." It was almost christmas. Garfield didn't get Jonathan anything for christmas that year, because he is mean. Jonathan had no friends and his cat didn't like him, so he had a very unhappy christmas. The nature of this man's relationship with those around him was truly a confusing thing to comprehend. On one hand, he surrounded himself with animals who couldn't reply to anything he said, and he talked to them constantly. Additionally, he never seemed to leave the house, and his family lived far away on a farm. One wonders if Jonathan had at some point in the far off past had some inkling of initiative and self-esteem, surely something he'd need if he had somehow made it from the farm to the 'big city'? Nobody knows. Some say the old Arbuckle house is haunted. It was 100 years ago, they say, and in that house there lived an old man and his cat and his dog. The cat was 40 years old. The dog was also 40 years old, he had to be, but nobody ever remarked upon it or celebrated the occasion. On the cat's birthday, however, everyone would give him a huge cake and there would be candles and everything. Whenever they had the cake, everyone would stare at the cat, and the cat would look away towards the audience, ignoring their gaze. In this way, the cat behaved much like a regular cat which wasn't preternaturally long-lived. It was a tragic event, when the old Arbuckle man passed away, at the ripe old age of 999. He had not eaten anything in 500 years because his cat ate all of the food instead. The dog is still alive to this day and inherited the deed to the house, much to the cat's chagrin. How did the old Arbuckle man afford to buy that house? Nobody knows.